IN AT THE SHALLOW END!

As you may all be aware any new member commencing Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy has an initial run of 20 consecutive sessions at 16.5 feet. To accommodate this may mean changing some sessions to this lower depth and if your depth is occasionally changed, your co-operation would be greatly appreciated. If, however, this occasional change really does not suit you please ask Alwyn to let you know of any change as far in advance as he can and you may be able to reschedule. As everyone has been a new member given this priority at one time or another, presumably you will understand why this is necessary. 

STEPTOE – WE AINT!!

The popularity of car boot sales, and the tremendous bargains to be had at them, has had a profound effect on ‘Coffee-Morning Sales’. We are finding that we have had to lower our prices to attract custom and we are frequently left with the problem of storing and/or disposing of unwanted/untellable items. In general these items are those which are less than perfect, therefore, we are now being more selective and although we still value your support in supplying goods for sale, can we please request that all items of clothing are well presented and ‘good as new’ and bric-a-brac, toiletries etc in pristine condition. Thank-you!

{Bonafide Charity Shops have arrangements with firms who buy by weight (wool, cotton etc) and have volunteers who will cut off buttons, put them on cards and sell them, so there are plenty of worthwhile places to offload old/worn clothing!}

THANK YOU FOR KEEPING THE POTTY BOILING!

Once again the Chairman and Committee are bowled over by the support we continue to receive in raising funds to keep the Centre going. We benefit so much from the generosity with which time, expertise and sponsored daredevil/gruelling adventures are undertaken.

To everyone involved a huge and heartfelt thank-you!!

FREE DIRECTORY ENQUIRIES

To access free directory enquiries dial 195 and ask for registration. You will be asked for your name, address and postcode and sent a two page form to complete. If you are eligible for this service you will then be sent a card with your Pin Number. If you can quote card and pin numbers when you dial 195 it is free!

BRIGHTER THOUGHTS! – THINK OF SPRING!

We know from experience that any plants brought to the Centre for sale disappear like snow off a dyke – we also know from conversations held at the Centre that many of you people out there are blessed not only with green-fingers but also with green-houses and would like to suggest that some of you may be prepared to bring plants on from seeds, or take cuttings from established plants. All things welcome, shrubs, plants, annuals, vegetables, tomatoes are particularly popular!!

HELP! (one NOT for the boys)
There were ten men and one woman hanging off a rope suspended from a rescue helicopter. They decided that someone would have to let go,
because if they didn't the rope would snap and they would all die.
There were no volunteers.
Finally the woman gave a really touching speech saying how she would
give up her life to save the others because generally women were used to giving up things for men!
..........and all the men started clapping!!!
Oooops!

Married Bliss !! (this one is for the boys )
Two men were waiting to see the Marriage Guidance Counsellor.
The first man said 'I married Miss Right'.
'Really,' said the second man 'then why are your here?'
'I didn't realise her first name was Always!'

BRITISH GAS – WINTER REBATE ON BILLS 2006/2007

Do you get your gas or Electricity from British Gas? If you do, you may be eligible to apply for a rebate on your bills of up to £90. Applications are open now for 2006/2007, and as they are limited to the first 300,000 eligible applicants, it is a good idea to get in early. In order to apply you will need to be supplied with you gas and/or electricity by British gas and be on at least one of the following benefits:

Disability Living Allowance; Attendance Allowance; Pension Credit; War Disablement Pension, which includes either a Mobility Supplement or Constant Attendance Allowance; Disablement Pension, which includes Constant Attendance Allowance; Carers Allowance; Severe Disability Allowance; Child Tax Credit, with an annual household income of £14600 or less; Working Tax Credit, with an annual household income of £14600 or less; Council Tax Benefits; Housing Benefit; Income Support; Income-based Job Seekers Allowance.

The rebate is paid in two parts, on the last bill of 2006 and the first bill of 2007. For eligible gas customers, two payments of £30 and for electricity customers, two payments of £15. If you get both your gas and electricity from British Gas you can apply for both rebates.

To apply call British Gas on 0845 601 2006.

THE DEMISE OF COMMON SENSE

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old fiend Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No-one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn’t always fair and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple sound financial policies (Don’t spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults not children are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.

Reports of a six-year old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using a mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job THEY failed to do in administering discipline to their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Panadol, sun lotion or a sticky plaster, but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home or the burglar can sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realise that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, spilled a little in her lap and was awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife Discretion, his daughter Responsibility and his son Reason.

He is survived by three step-brothers I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame and I’m A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realised he was gone. If you still remember him pass this on, if not, join the majority and do nothing!

Happiness, happiness …….

The secret of a successful marriage can be summed up in two words - 'yes dear'

What’s the difference between  ‘In laws’ and ‘Outlaws’ ?

Outlaws are wanted !!

Can you do better ?

The jokes will only get worse unless you can help, clean ones only please, hand in to Carol.

Who knows, we may get enough to print our own little booklet!

PHYSIOTHERAPY

Linda Imrie, after ten years of outstanding service with the Centre, retired earlier this year. There was some difficulty in filling this position as, despite great efforts to advertise the resulting vacancy, we were certainly not inundated with applications. However, we were fortunate to recruit Sunita D’souza, who after a small amount of additional training from an M S Specialist Physiotherapist has been able to fill this post.  Sunita is so keen she even commutes from Edinburgh to fulfil her role!

Initially, Sunita needs to assess everyone to ascertain their physiotherapy requirements and as this process takes much longer than regular physiotherapy appointments, less people can be seen in a day and until everyone has been assessed it will be impossible to devise and adopt a new regular appointment system. Although each individual’s needs will be taken into account, there may be changes to previous regular appointment times and trust you will understand the necessity for this.

SCOTLAND-WIDE FREE BUS TRAVEL FOR ELDERLY AND DISABLED PEOPLE

Older and disabled people can now travel free on any local bus service, or scheduled long distance coach service, anywhere in Scotland, even during the rush hour. A Scottish Citizens’ National Entitlement Card is needed to use this scheme and to qualify for one you will have to provide evidence that you reside in Scotland and must meet certain conditions. If you are over 60, the Application Form (LS304) is available from your nearest Post Office and if you are disabled, the Application Form (NCT001) is available from your local Social Work Office.

Wot a Heat !

For those members who have ‘suffered’ in the chamber during the very hot weather we have had, will be pleased  to know that we are exploring ways of keeping the temperature inside the chamber more pleasant should we experience the same next year !

MEMO TO ALL MEMBERS

We try include relevant articles in the newsletter for you but need more input.

A lot of the articles we do have are from our members who hear, find snippets, or have experience of. We thank them for this. How can you help us to produce an informative newsletter ?

Please hand anything you think we would like to hear about to Carole or Alwyn.

P.S. Don’t forget the "for sale" notice board, check it for bargains or add to it !